Monday, August 27, 2012

Defining Roles and boundaries- the HARD part

Before agreeing to host SEEDs, my biggest, most burning question was, "What is hardest about it?"

I can tell you what is hardest so far, and I will because this blog has a purpose. I want every interested future host family to know what the world of hosting might look like.

What's hard is deciding what boundaries and limits we need to clearly define. I didn't realize that one important family rule we have is dressing conservatively.  I take it for granted that I require my 9 and 7 year old girls to cover their shoulders, thighs and midriffs at ALL times. We are just used to it. I didn't realize that would be a major difference in expectations. If I had, I might have discussed appropriate dress code- for our home- with our SEEDs the first week. That would have avoided some hurt feelings.

Another hard thing has been defining my role. I thought it was supposed to be "supporter" mainly. But in real life, I need to be the food manager, the schedule manager, the interpreter, and friend and support? I feel so torn right now because I've been imagining my role as "friend", but now it really needs to be more like "bossy mom" in order for this situation to work. I have to manage meeting my family's needs and the SEEDs, rather than just trying to meet their needs in politeness. I wasn't planning on having to be "bossy mom", so I feel frustrated and upset that being "best friend" just must be put aside. I will not be popular, darn it, and I wanted that!

Tonight we went to Walmart for 2 items, which I clearly understood (NOT). I don't shop often, so I'm used to sticking rigidly to a list. After 30 minutes of browsing, I asked the girls to be done in 10 minutes. We exited the store an hour later. It is a common problem that no matter what I think I clearly understand, up to half of it could be completely wrong.

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