Wrapping up our Story

I started this blog so I could honestly report what a hosting experience might be like. I stopped posting because we had a major problem arise, and I was trying to sort out how to share with everyone what happened without creating painful gossip for either of my 2 girls.

So, in general, now that it has blown over, I think I can share the remainder of our story.

Our girls started sticking tightly to their room. They refused to eat what I cooked every night, and rarely helped cook. They stopped socializing with our family much, if at all. And finally transportation was a much greater demand than I had been led to believe when inquiring about this program. I didn't understand what role or say I had in any of these matters.

Then, one Friday, they decided to spend the night out, expressly against my wishes and against what they had promised.

They did so, I found out later, because Seed "A" was enraged that I would dare to set a curfew for her. She grew up never having even her mother tell her when she must come home, from as early as 13 years old.

So Seed "B" went along with it.

What followed was a demonstration of their sincere wish to have a new family. They worked together to let us know that we just didn't understand their culture, and that they must have a new family, so if I would be so kind as to let Susan know that I "release them".

Royal and I let Susan know that we wanted to work things out, and we felt that the VERY basic expectations that we had should be supported. (Basically that they participate in our family.) 

The girls stopped openly rebelling, and we thought all our problems were over.

The next Monday, Seed "A" brought her teacher, an important member of the St. Louis Deaf Community to Susan and told her we had threatened to send her home if she didn't keep our family rules.

More trying to resolve concerns and come to agreement on our expectations of the Girls.

More frustration.

By the end of October, I thought we were starting to get to a more enjoyable arrangement. But I just had one problem. Seed "B" was using my personal laptop every night to facebook and skype with her Deaf community. I knew it would break her heart if I took it away, and I knew she was sure to break my computer since she knew nothing about computer viruses, the internet, downloads, or any other basic internet savvy. She never touched a computer til she came to America.

Well, it happened. My computer broke down, so I grew a backbone and apologized profusely and begged her to understand that I had to stop allowing her to use it. It was my first laptop, and a computer I treasured that she surely could not afford to replace.  She cried, and was indeed broken hearted. 

Thursday night, the family went out to our weekly church class, and the Seeds wanted to stay home and rest.

Friday morning, I discovered that Seed "B" had opened up and used my laptop for internet surfing while I was out of the house. She had also closed the programs and the laptop to hide her activity.

So, that was when I let Susan know they would have to move. I simply cannot live with wonderful young women whose word I cannot trust in my own home. So, while I love them, I am relieved to have moved on with our lives and a more peaceful home.

Surprise Party!

Royal, the SEEDs, my daughters, and Ruben,  our visitor from Mexico, made me a surprise party!!!

 This is the fabulous poster, crepe paper and balloon decorations hung in my absence...Scarlett braided the crepe paper. Alejandra drew the wonderful faces on the balloons. We picked out a balloon to match each person. Royal-a.k.a. the hulk- was the green one, of course! (not in this photo. It was hung by Mae on the opposite cabinet.)

Defining Roles and boundaries- the HARD part

Before agreeing to host SEEDs, my biggest, most burning question was, "What is hardest about it?"

I can tell you what is hardest so far, and I will because this blog has a purpose. I want every interested future host family to know what the world of hosting might look like.

What's hard is deciding what boundaries and limits we need to clearly define. I didn't realize that one important family rule we have is dressing conservatively.  I take it for granted that I require my 9 and 7 year old girls to cover their shoulders, thighs and midriffs at ALL times. We are just used to it. I didn't realize that would be a major difference in expectations. If I had, I might have discussed appropriate dress code- for our home- with our SEEDs the first week. That would have avoided some hurt feelings.

Another hard thing has been defining my role. I thought it was supposed to be "supporter" mainly. But in real life, I need to be the food manager, the schedule manager, the interpreter, and friend and support? I feel so torn right now because I've been imagining my role as "friend", but now it really needs to be more like "bossy mom" in order for this situation to work. I have to manage meeting my family's needs and the SEEDs, rather than just trying to meet their needs in politeness. I wasn't planning on having to be "bossy mom", so I feel frustrated and upset that being "best friend" just must be put aside. I will not be popular, darn it, and I wanted that!

Tonight we went to Walmart for 2 items, which I clearly understood (NOT). I don't shop often, so I'm used to sticking rigidly to a list. After 30 minutes of browsing, I asked the girls to be done in 10 minutes. We exited the store an hour later. It is a common problem that no matter what I think I clearly understand, up to half of it could be completely wrong.

TIMBERRRR!

Our Family Fun Night was spent working as a team to cut huge dead limbs off a tree at our former residence. It was fun, especially to find out that Scarlett has many times shimmied up into trees in Nicaragua to help her father saw off branches. She was the first and the bravest climber, even though she almost ripped her pretty sweater off trying to swing down off the tree.

In this last picture, Royal is kneeling with his back to us. What's he doing? He is wiring together a tree saw and a long piece of scrap lumber. The makeshift polesaw didn't actually saw anything, but it allowed him to get a great grip on very high dead branches. Then he just pulled them down.

Picture This

It is so amazing to teach sign language to Deaf people!

I feel that my ability to create a visual picture with American Sign Language has soared. Ale was asking me this morning how to turn off that very cold air blowing into her room all night. And, I didn't have to use any sign "words". I just showed her the 3-D model of the air conditioner register in her room and showed in in 3-D how it worked, and what the inside parts looked like. Then, she knew how to operate it herself.

I usually feel that my signing is inadequate, especially because since starting the Deaf Studies program at FVCC, I have very little real interaction with the Deaf!! I have not been able to make time to go out from my family and hang out in the Deaf community. But now, I interact with my Deaf family everyday, and the most amazing part is that all three of us are learning together.

My signing is improving and I'm not annoying some poor American Deaf soul while trying to learn from them.

Waking up with a Rooster

Sunday night we spent 2 hours discussing how we would all (myself, and my SEEDs) go catch the bus in the morning. We strongly emphasized that leaving ON TIME at 7:00 is extremely important so Royal can be on time to work. (Which hasn't happened since they arrived....)
Ale asked if I had had a chance to find out yet where she might buy a vibrating alarm clock.
Royal jokingly assured her that if she just listened for the Roosters crowing, she would be up early enough.
He got a severe, unconvinced look. "I'm Deaf. (Thank you very much!)"
With a grin, I piped up, "I know what we can do! We can just open the window and throw a rooster in! That should work."

We were all doubled over laughing about that one!

The inside jokes we're developing really add fun to our communication.

P.S. the text-only phones my SEEDs brought home yesterday seem to be enough of a vibrating alarm! Now Ale can save her money.

A Royal Interjection - The Hulk!

Turns out that Ale (Yvette) is an artist!  I dug around the "mancave" in my basement and found a set of unused oil paints.  A friend gave them to me, but I don't know how to paint with oils--only acrylics.  Ale said she LOVED the oil paints and wants me to take her art supply shopping before she returns to Mexico.  I decided to show them what artwork I have left.  Most of the good stuff I have given away over the years, but I did have a few things remaining.  Still, I was nervous to show this stuff to Ale and Scarlette.  I tried to tell them I was scared, but apparently I did the sign backwards and they laughed me to scorn.  "You look like Superman or the Hulk trying to rip off your clothes!"  So I tried to make my clothes pop off by getting really angry, but my face did not turn green--just red!  Well, they are right about one thing--I am a bit like superman because I've usually got a skin-tight shirt on underneath my fancy shirt.  That is, unless I get hungry, like I am now.  Then I RAAAAAGHHHHHH

The Honeymoon Stage

Bosslady Jeannette tells us that at the beginning when everyone is getting acquainted, our family and our SEEDs will go through a "honeymoon stage".

My husband and I have stayed up for the past 3 nights just visiting after dinner together with our SEEDs. Our home is more full, there is more love here. Tonight my 9 year old daughter came running to me after my nap, "Mommy! Ale made me quesadillas today and I knew exactly what she was saying! I'm so glad the SEED students are here!"
And, "Scarlett was showing me her scrapbook from Nicaragua, and we communicated so good! Look at all the words we wrote down on this paper!!"

Royal and I are spending hours communicating and getting to know these wonderful young women, but how much time have I spent today noticing my little ones? I'm getting a lesson in what makes life taste good.

My "rush about all day long hurrying to get more done" is NOT a mentality that works with our 2 new cultures. Dinner takes about 2 hours to prepare. And preparing it is like an event. It's not means to the event, it is an important event in itself...just making the food...together.  And it is really peaceful.

And, I'm noticing it doesn't really work in getting your kids to feel loved, either. I'm praying I can remember to slow down and work with my kids the way I'm having to work with my SEEDs. I think we'll all be a bit more in love.

A Royal Interjection - I Can't Sign!

So there we were, walking around the international grocery store: me (Royal), Ale, and Scarlett.  I (mostly) had no idea what they were trying to communicate to me.  I thought for sure at one point that Scarlett indicated her family really liked hot peppers in their food.  "Great!" I thought.  "We can finally get rid of that one jar of medium-heat slasa we accidentally bought."  Then when we got home the Mexican dish Ale made turned out to be too hot for Scarlett!?  Eh?  Alright . . . well, there was also the moment in the store when Ale signed this strange Spanish word: C-H-E-S-S-E.  I had no idea.  She was like (at least, this is my interpretation of the flurry of signs that came next) what do you mean you have no idea?  It's your English word!  OH!  You signed C-H-E-E-S-E!  Got it!  Right.  Sometimes I think we're communicating, but then I find out later we were all just smiling and nodding politely!  Well, at least we had fun when I showed them the giant Iranian nan bread.  They thought about making a huge burrito . . . so I had to show them the picture of Elizabeth eating the giant nan burrito we made last year just for fun!  We had a good laugh at that.  By the way, the Mexican sign for potato looks suspiciously like peeling an orange.  Just so you know.  

Yay for those who love to cook!

I got my first treat out of hosting tonight; and it showed up while I was stealing a nap!

I laid down at 5:50pm. I was totally exhausted, but didn't want to admit it.  I let the girls run "My LIttle Pony"  on Netflix for all to watch. Royal had taken the SEEDs by the international grocery "on their way home", which turned into over an hour by this time, and they still hadn't gotten home.

Well, eventually I woke up to find Alejandra busily making Chicken Mole from scratch on my stove. Wow! The cooking was very, very slow compared to the recipes I am accustomed to. (Now I know why the restaurants take so long to make it.) And when the chicken was done boiling, she hand-shredded it. I helped as much as I could. It was very slow going, but luckily our family had already eaten. Infact, they went out with Uncle Nick to some cool car racing event. I stayed home with our SEEDs. Then, she took each plate and instructed Scarlett to spread the mole evenly over the folded tortilla. I was so impressed by the process and the beauty of the cooking work!

Then, I saw the Kodak moment. She was doing something with the tortillas over the stove...She was heating them directly on the electric element!! by hand!! The girls had told me that they both had gas stoves back home, so I asked if they heated tortillas over the open flame? Both said yes, that was their way of heating them! I had to get a picture.

So, Alejandra and Scarlett have agreed to alternate cooking each night.  I'm very excited!! I got a super-delicious, restaurant-quality meal from another culture. Tomorrow night it is Nicaraguan cuisine!!!

My Kingdom for an Agenda

We picked up Alejandra and Scarlett from the St. Louis Intl. airport Wednesday night. Royal and I were very excited; both eager and anxious for what the future will hold with two complete strangers in our house and in our lives. I was happy to learn that Alejandra had already been studying American Sign Language (ASL) for some months before coming to America. So, our communication was fairly fluent and fluid. Scarlett came an hour later with the other two students from Nicaragua, all of who missed the intended flight from Miami! Scarlett is new to ASL, and our communication is halting at best so far. There's a great deal of me signing to Scarlett, Scarlett  turning to Ale (pronounced as spanish names, of course; Aaahhh-Leh) and Ale signing to Scarlett, then writing in spanish on scrap paper to Scarlett.

But, anyways, that first night was positive.

Day ONE with our SEED students started to go wrong when I got out the foods for them to assemble a lunch from. We still had 20 minutes before take-off. I had bought an extra $100 or so of food to make sure we had some food they could eat. Potatoes, corn meal, corn tortillas (the way too huge package), dry beans, milk, lots of eggs, lots of fresh fruit and more made up our possible lunch meal collection. So, Ale sweetly surveyed the countertop and signed to me something I didn't get. She pulled out her IPOD touch and got google to translate "carne". "Where's the meat?", she asked.

I pulled out a bag of frozen chicken breasts. Big smiles all around let me know that we would now be 20  minutes late. We took turns chopping and stir-frying the meat, and alternately running around getting last details ready to leave. Whew!

And when we arrived at their first day of orientation, I received a printed agenda and schedule for the day. "Lunch will be provided." Thank you, SEED program for giving me the details AFTER our arrival on day one. Or should I say, "AAAGGGGhhhhh!!! Do you people realize how stressful this is? Come on! Help us out a LITTLE!!! the printed agenda could've been emailed to me last week!"

That's okay, Jeannette. We still love you. But, the rest of you boss guys are in trouble!